If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize