My liver just broke up with me...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
