What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
