Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize