who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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