if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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