Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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