apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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