I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
