How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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