I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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