you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think your dad took our porno
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
