I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
