my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
