I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
