quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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