only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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