i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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