finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
