Swine flu. Run for my life!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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