So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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