I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
