okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
