$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
