I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It's just like the Real World with babies
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
