11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
