just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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