so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize