Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
