I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
where are my eyebrows?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize