i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
