There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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