The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
