my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
