you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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