too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
