the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was like getting head from an anaconda
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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