hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
