I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
