who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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