you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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