plz talk dirty to me
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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