i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
