I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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