when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I will be naked everywhere
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
