i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
