WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
