Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize