I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
