Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
