I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
