Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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