he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
