I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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