Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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