Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
