then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
there was a trapeze. enough said
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
