yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
