someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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