He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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