we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
one might say we're banned from that church
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
