Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
