WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
