He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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