i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
