my vag is so smooth its legendary
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
