first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize